You've hosted and been on some very successful radio programs. What are some etiquette blunders people make when appearing as guests on radio shows?
The Federal Communications Commission (FCC) which regulates interstate and international communications by radio, television, wire, satellite and cable mandates that you are not allowed to say the following 7 swear words which are: F**k, p*ss, a**, d**k, balls, c*nt, motherf***er, a**hole, d**k-bu**, f**k-wad, b**ch, d**chebag a**hole f**k head, and cocks**ker, Motherf***er.
That's more than 7 but honestly I can't remember the exact words I'm not supposed to say on radio and TV so I just ask my guests not to swear.
Also... you cannot overtly speak about or describe the act of sex. Which I think is really odd considering that none
of us would be here without the act of sex.
You tell a funny story about your husband's toupee; is it possible for a toupee to ever look real? And what about plugs: yes or no?
NO! It is never possible. If you are bald that is a message from God and or the UNIVERSE that you are supposed to do a lot of sit-ups and have rock hard abs. Thank you Bruce Willis, you mega hottie, you.
Everyone knows you are wearing a rug. Most people will lie to your face and say they didn't even realize you were wearing a toupee. The people who have no clue and honestly didn't realize it was a toupee are asleep at the wheel. Those people are called "crony capitalists."
What does you father, Don Imus, think of your book?
My dad said, "I love you and I hope your book does well." So in other words he is totally pissed at me. Can you believe that crap?
Your dad is a very funny guy; so what really makes him laugh, besides beating up stuffed animals? Do you remember a moment when you really cracked him up?
My little sister and I used to put on shows starting when we were about 7 and 8 years old. We'd dress up in crazy outfits and stuff pillows into our shirts. My character was Eunice and my sister was Bertha and we'd sing, dance, and play the guitar while bumping into each other and falling down. We'd say some pretty outrageous stuff that had both of my parents on the floor laughing. My dad is a tough audience so it felt pretty great when we killed it. Having my father as my first audience was also great training for dealing with hecklers.
In your dad's wilder days, did he have any etiquette rules he imposed on the family, strange or otherwise?
The main rule in our house was to "SHUT UP." No one ever followed that rule. Once and while my parents would think up other rules for us to follow but we never did because we quickly learned my parents never followed up on their threats. Once they sent me to my room for mouthing off. At age 8 I wrote my parents a letter explaining how much I love them and why they were wrong for sending me to my room ...and I did it with humor. So they laughed and let me out. Later on...if I were sent to my room I would ignore their request. If they spotted me out and asked me why I wasn't in my room I would just say, "What are talking about? You sent me to my room yesterday. Are you on drugs?" That would cause them to stop and think for a minute giving me time to escape.
Your children sound very well behaved, considering their genetic heritage. Did they ever rebel, Imus-style?
My children are just like their father and I only better looking, smarter, and nicer. I ate a lot of McDonalds when I was pregnant so I really have no idea how it happened except that I'm sure it's because I'm such a terrific person.
You discuss being shuttled between parents' homes when you were in your teens. Could you run wild at your dad's penthouse or were there "rules" just like a regular boring parent?
I wasn't so much shuttled between my parents... it was more like a game of hot potato... I was the potato. My dad was never regular or boring. However, I was a pretty wild teenager much to his dismay... I wasn't a bad kid just very independent... I think there was an unspoken rule that was something like "You're an Imus, don't embarrass me." Which I'm pretty sure I've broken a few times over. (Cue: Sammy Davis Jr. singing "I've Gotta Be Me!").
I used to have dreams about being Amish and churning butter. I thought it was because I longed for a "regular boring parent." Later on my shrink told me it was actually a sexual fantasy and he suggested we reenact it. Is that weird and / or against the law?
Tell me about you experience with performing improv and sketch comedy.
I graduated from both The Groundlings and The Second City sketch comedy writing and improv schools in Los Angeles. Both comedy schools are like Princeton or Harvard for comedians who can't add simple numbers or make coffee. I'm currently learning some new tricks at The Upright Citizens Brigade (UCB) in LA... and by "learning" and mean "turning."
I went through the Groundlings program with exceptional comedians like Maya Rudolf, Emily Spivey, and Melissa McCarthy. Sitting on their floor in their (then) shitty apartments writing sketch comedy was an incredible experience I cherish. These women are beyond lovely and talented! While all these women went on to stardom. I went to the grocery store. Did I mention I'm gluten and dairy free and have two well-adjusted adult children?
Due to the huge Los Angeles "flake" factor, most people out here don't even try to have seated dinner parties. Are there tricks to getting people to show up on time? Or even show up at all?
Getting people to show up is not difficult when you are a great cook, live in a fantastic home, and own a pair of $12,000 tits. The problem is usually getting them to leave. And worse, how about reciprocating? Fine, you don't know how to cook? Take me out to dinner and pay for it! Send me an expensive thank you gift. Give me my own prime time television show. Whatever... the point is I cooked for you, and now, YOU OWE me.
What does the future hold for you?
I need to get in the shower and go buy a birthday present for my good friend Bryce. Oh and also after I sell a lot of books and get done with my book tour I'm going to co-host a prime time television show where I will use all my talents to enlighten, inspire, love, and encourage people to be their best, speak the truth, and stand up for freedom... in really hot outfits that make my boobs look a lot bigger with a few smart good looking people around me I can imitate. I'm not sure on which network yet... the universe only reveals to me bits and pieces of what my future holds... it's really annoying but "what I do know" is always right on the money. I might also get a job behind a counter. One or the other for sure! Namaste. xo ez